American Family, An. Jon Galluccio & Michael Galluccio, with David Groff. 2001. 256p. St Martins Press. The story of Jon and Michael Galluccio, a gay New Jersey couple, and their fight to adopt their HIV-positive infant foster son, Adam, would sound like the script for a stirring made-for-television movie if the protagonists weren’t both men. Complete with controversy, opposition, failures, moments of grace, and an amazing subplot in which Jon seeks out his own birth mother, An American Family is a page-turner, simply and affectingly written. Jon and Michael’s first meeting with 3-month-old Adam took place in a run-down nursery filled with “medically fragile” babies whose parents had abandoned them to the state at birth. The frail, drug-addicted Adam was lifted into Michael’s arms. Although his file read “Foster Only,” the head nurse looked over Jon and Michael and asked, “You’re adopting him, right?” Adam would become one of the few, very lucky at-risk children to find a permanent, loving home, and in 1997 the Galluccios would make news as the first unmarried couple in New Jersey to legally adopt a child together. An American Family is inspiring reading for anyone with a child, or whose family doesn’t outwardly resemble the Cleavers or the Van Dykes. — Regina Marler

Bringing Him Home: A Memoir. Aaron Cooper. 2008. 301p. Late August Press. On the day Aaron brought five-year-old Jon into his life, a foster child abandoned by a drug-addicted mother, Aaron was an orphan of sorts himself, estranged from the deeply religious parents who for years regarded him, their gay son, as some freak of nature, an abomination in God’s eyes. Once treasured as their gifted male firstborn, he had endured their criticism and condemnation, their bribes and entreaties to forsake the path to what they called a lonesome and wasted life. Finally he cut them off, and with his life partner resolved to create a new family. Adopting Jon was the way. A memoir that reads like fiction, Bringing Him Home traces the gay couple’s fifteen-year ordeal parenting a youngster with extraordinary disabilities: the psychological fallout of early emotional neglect, plus Attention Deficit Disorder more severe than doctors had ever seen. The story follows Aaron’s journey from the joy of bringing home one beautiful boy, to the disheartening frustration coping with the child’s intractable defiance, to the ultimate devastation when they could no longer co-exist under one roof. Despite the emotional toll, the couple shepherded Jon through boarding schools, mental hospitals, doctors and counselors and juvenile hall. They brought to him an unwavering commitment and loyalty that challenged the homophobic grandfather’s belief that homosexuals live lonely and wasted lives. In Bringing Him Home, three generations wrestle with dashed dreams and the fundamental powerlessness parents face with their children. It is a story of how and why parents love their kids as they do, and how expectations of a child, when rigid and ill-fitting, fuel the deepest unhappiness in both generations. A tale of reconciliation and reunion, love and acceptance, Bringing Him Home celebrates the triumph of an open heart over ancient prejudice. About the Author: Aaron Cooper, Ph.D., is a Harvard-educated writer and clinical psychologist with The Family Institute at Northwestern University. He is the author of the award-winning parenting book, I Just Want My Kids To Be Happy: Why You Shouldn’t Say It, Why You Shouldn’t Think It, What You Should Embrace Instead (Late August Press, 2008). His work has appeared in the Off the Rocks anthology (Newtown Writers, 2005) and on BigUglyReview.com. Bringing Him Home won first place in the 2008 Indie Excellence Book Awards (gay-lesbian category).

Challenging Conceptions: Planning a Family By Self-Insemination. Lisa Saffron. 1994. 224p. Cassell (London). This is the essential guidebook for lesbians in the UK who are creating their own families free from male and medical control. It includes the experiences of birth mothers, co-parents, children, and donors. There are chapters on fertility awareness, inseminating, screening, anonymous vs known donors; singles and couples; the children’s perspective; the law in Britain; when SI isn’t working; donor insemination through clinics. First published as Getting Pregnant Our Own Way in 1986, Challenging Conceptions was rewritten and published by Cassell in 1994. A self-published version was updated in 1998. About the Author: Lisa Saffron is a health writer and author who gives talks and advice on self insemination and lesbian motherhood. A lesbian mother with a daughter conceived by self-insemination, living in a step-family, she has developed, organised and facilitated workshops for lesbians thinking about having children.

Commitment, The: Love, Sex, Marriage, & My Family. Dan Savage. 2005. 336p. Dutton. From Publishers Weekly: The author of the internationally syndicated column “Savage Love” brings much-needed humor, and a reality check, to the bitter gay-marriage debate with this polemical memoir. As Savage and his boyfriend, Terry, neared their 10th anniversary, Savage’s mother put on the pressure for them to get married. But, Savage notes, there were several other points to consider before deciding to tie the knot: among them, the fact that marriage doesn’t provide legal protection in Washington State; Terry prefers tattoos as a sign of commitment; and their six-year-old son declared that only men and women can get married. Furthermore, Savage himself worried that the relationship would be jinxed by anything more permanent than a big anniversary bash, though the one they plan quickly assumes the proportions and price of a wedding reception. While documenting the couple’s wobble toward a decision, Savage skewers ideologues, both pro— and anti—gay marriage, with his radical pragmatism. Disproving Tolstoy’s dictum that “happy families are all alike,” he takes a sharp-eyed, compassionate look at matrimony as it is actually practiced by friends, his raucously affectionate family and even medieval Christians. When he explains to his son what marriage is really about, you want to stand up and cheer, and the surprise ending is both hilarious and a tear-jerker. As funny as David Sedaris’s essay collections, but bawdier and more thought-provoking, this timely book shows that being pro-family doesn’t have to mean being anti-gay. © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. By the Same Author: The Kid.

Courting Change: Queer Parents, Judges, & the Transformation of American Family Law. Kimberly Richman. 2008. 267p. New York University Press. A lesbian couple rears a child together and, after the biological mother dies, the surviving partner loses custody to the child’s estranged biological father. Four days later, in a different court, judges rule on the side of the partner, because they feel the child relied on the woman as a “psychological parent.” What accounts for this inconsistency regarding gay and lesbian adoption and custody cases, and why has family law failed to address them in a comprehensive manner? In Courting Change, Kimberly D. Richman zeros in on the nebulous realm of family law, one of the most indeterminate and discretionary areas of American law. She focuses on judicial decisions—both the outcomes and the rationales—and what they say about family, rights, sexual orientation, and who qualifies as a parent. Richman challenges prevailing notions that gay and lesbian parents and families are hurt by laws’ indeterminacy, arguing that, because family law is so loosely defined, it allows for the flexibility needed to respond to—and even facilitate—changes in how we conceive of family, parenting, and the role of sexual orientation in family law. Drawing on every recorded judicial decision in gay and lesbian adoption and custody cases over the last fifty years, and on interviews with parents, lawyers, and judges, Richman demonstrates how parental and sexual identities are formed and interpreted in law, and how gay and lesbian parents can harness indeterminacy to transform family law. About the Author: Kimberly D. Richman is assistant professor of sociology and legal studies at the University of San Francisco.

Different Mothers: Sons & Daughters of Lesbians Talk About Their Lives. Louise Rafkin, ed. 1990. 160p. Cleis Press. When Phyllis Burke’s lesbian partner bore a child by donor insemination, it seemed natural for Phyllis to adopt him. But Burke soon discovered that, even in liberated San Francisco, there were forces that would deny lesbians the legal right to be mothers. Now she tells of her entry into motherhood and her growing politicization.

Family of Choice, A: A Gay Man’s Story of International Adoption. Paul Hampsch. 2009. 176p. Dorrance Publishing Co, Inc. Having been partners for many years, Paul Hampsch and his life partner, Domenic, made the decision together to adopt. But finding an adoption agency that would even consider allowing a single gay man and his partner to adopt was quite a challenge. With the support of friends and family, Paul was surrounded by blessings and felt sure he would eventually be able to adopt. As time passed, Paul navigated a range of challenges, some of which tested his level of resolve in one way or another, but he was finally able to adopt and return to America with his children. His story is enclosed in these pages, and he tells his readers, “The bittersweet joy of parenting continues to make my soul complete...Each bend in the road leads to a new horizon.” About the Author: Paul Hampsch lives in Arizona with his two sons, Paul Jr. and Andrew. He currently volunteers at a local hospital emergency room, plays guitar, and loves to cook. Mr. Hampsch has also published trade manuals and training materials and is also the author of Marketing Is Relationship Building (1985).

Fatherhood for Gay Men: An Emotional & Practical Guide to Becoming a Gay Dad. Kevin J McGarry & Margaret Tatich. 2003. 107p. Harrington Park Press. Get the inside story on a single gay man’s struggle to adopt! Fatherhood for Gay Men: An Emotional and Practical Guide to Becoming a Gay Dad is the story of one man’s journey down the road less traveled—a single gay man adopting and raising his two sons. Author Kevin McGarry recounts his passage into parenthood after years of having his natural fathering instincts stifled by the limits—real and perceived—of being gay. This unique book details the emotional, financial, practical, and social realities of the adoption process for gay men. From the author: “We take risks by coming out of the closet as gay men and at the end of the day, we are emotionally happier because we took those risks. By coming out, we are being true to who we are. The same goes for anyone, gay or straight, who has gut instincts for parenthood. I knew over the years that I had parenting instincts because I had this incredible envy of other dads. I would watch them with their kids and wish that somehow, I could have that role. It was painful at times because being gay, I didn’t think parenting was in my life plan. Had more role models been available to me, the process would have been a little less difficult.” Much more than a “how-to” guide to adoption, Fatherhood for Gay Men is the personal account of a single gay man’s struggle to become a father despite the real and imagined limitations of being a gay man. The book looks at the adoption process (domestic and international) from the inside, providing unique insight into: conducting a homestudy; costs (fees and expenses); what countries allow men to adopt; alternatives to adoption; life as a new parent; online resources; and a state-by-state review of adoption laws, categorized by “Completely Legal,” “Favorable Climate,” “Mixed Success,” and “Illegal.” The book also includes results of the 2000 study by Gillian Dunne, senior researcher for the London School of Economics Gender Institute, of 100 gay fathers and fathers-to-be. Fatherhood for Gay Men: An Emotional and Practical Guide to Becoming a Gay Dad is a heartfelt and heartwarming story of a father’s refusal to be denied a family.

Gay & Lesbian Marriage & Family Reader: Analyses of Problems & Prospects for the 21st Century. Jennifer M. Lehmann, ed. 2001. 330p. Richard Altschuler & Associates, Inc. / Gordian Knot Books. This book provides a convenient, single source for students and others who want to accurately understand the major issues gays and lesbians face that involve marriage and family life in 21st century America, including:
     * legalized marriage and cohabitation
     * parenting and coparenting
     * child custody and adoption
     * coming out to family members
     * living in stepfamilies
This book will also prove to be valuable for those interested in anticipating changes in our laws and social conventions that will affect gay and lesbian marriage and family life in the near future; for homosexuals who want to enjoy the same economic, health, and other benefits afforded to both legally married and longtime, cohabiting heterosexual couples; and for all individuals interested in civil rights—since the estimated two million (the lowest estimate) to 30 million (the highest estimate) men and women who are gay or lesbian in America are the only adult citizens denied the right to legally marry a person of their choice; and they are generally discriminated against by the legal system and public alike when it comes to adopting children or retaining custody of their children in divorce cases involving a heterosexual spouse. Today, these historical prohibitions and restrictions are buckling under the weight of changing social attitudes, and we appear to be at a revolutionary turning point in society, involving acceptance of same-sex marriage and child adoption and custody rights, if not the legalization of these phenomena. The reality of same-sex marriage and parenthood also has profound ramifications for the psychological and emotional lives of the individuals involved. These individuals include, of course, not only the gays and lesbians who cohabit, marry, or become parents, but also their immediate and extended family members, and the children they raise. Since it is estimated that many, if not most, families have at least one member who is gay or lesbian, these revolutionary changes will likely affect most members of society. What are the psychological, emotional, economic, and legal issues involved in same-sex marriage and parenthood? Can expansion of gay and lesbian marriage and family rights have negative, as well as positive, outcomes, for both the individuals directly involved and society as a whole? Should gay and lesbian individuals expect changes in the laws and social conventions over the next several years that will fundamentally transform their relationship to the institutions of marriage, family, and parenthood? The answers to these and related questions are presented in this book, which brings together a collection of highly informed articles written by leading scholars in social science, social work, clinical psychology, and the law. These answers—which are based on findings from research studies and case analyses—will be of interest and value not only to gays and lesbians and their family members, but to everyone concerned about the issues and trends that involve same-sex marriage and family life—including social scientists, lawyers, politicians, family practitioners, clinical therapists, social workers, and journalists. About the Author Jennifer M. Lehmann, Ph.D., editor, is Associate Professor of Sociology and Women’s Studies, the University of Nebraska, editor of the journal Current Perspectives in Social Theory (Elsevier Press), and author of various articles and books on social and feminist theory, including “Deconstructing Durkheim” (Routledge Press).

Gay & Lesbian Parenting Choices: From Adopting or Using a Surrogate to Choosing the Perfect Father. Brette McWhorter Sember. 2006. 223p. Career Press. Creating a family is one of the greatest joys a couple can have, but gay and lesbian couples face unique challenges when they wish to become parents together. Gay and Lesbian Parenting Choices provides a complete explanation of the many ways gay or lesbian couples can create a family and the legal hoops they must jump through as part of the process. Written by an attorney in an-easy-to-understand style, this guide provides a comprehensive look at the options available to gay couples and offers advice and information on how best to proceed. Different types of adoptions--international, domestic agency, state agency, private, and facilitator-led--are discussed, in addition to open versus closed adoptions. Special emphasis is paid to the considerations and concerns gay adoptive parents face, such as how to tell whether an agency is gay-friendly and whether both partners can adopt simultaneously or must use a two-part process. Advice is offered on finding an agency and dealing with the home study. Gay and Lesbian Parenting Choices also considers the wide variety of assisted family-building choices, including donor sperm and insemination, egg donors and surrogates, as well as new technologies on the horizon. Consent laws, fertility procedures, choosing donors or surrogates, finding fertility clinics that are gay friendly, and advice about how to make sure your family is legally protected is also covered. Other parenting options such as foster care and adopting your partner’s child are included, in addition to family protection measures such as wills and medical consents, getting cooperation from schools, finding support for your family, and talking about your family with your child. This complete guide helps gay and lesbian prospective parents choose the path to parenthood that will work best for them and offers advice and support as they journey towards becoming a family. About the Author: Brette McWhorter Sember is a retired attorney and mediator who has authored 17 self-help books, including The Complete Gay Divorce (New Page Books) and Gay and Lesbian Legal Rights, a Ben Franklin Award Finalist which is a featured alternate of InsightOutBooks and was selected by Quality Paperback Book Club. Her work has appeared in more than 140 publications, including Divorce Magazine, American Baby, Writer’s Digest and Home Business Journal. She is a contributing writer for ePregnancy Magazine. She lives in New York State with her family.

Gay Dads: A Celebration of Fatherhood. David Strah, with Susanna Margolis. Photographs by Kris Timken. 2003. 288p. Tarcher. The first book to feature inspiring portraits of gay men and their families from all across America. An evolution has quietly been occurring in the world of parenting. Recent surveys reveal that millions of children have found loving homes either by being born to, or being adopted by, gay men. This book is a celebration of all these remarkable new families. Gay Dads includes 25 personal accounts from men describing their unique journeys to fatherhood and the struggles and successes they have experienced as they raise their children. This is the first book to provide such an expansive exploration of this extraordinary new family unit. With beautiful black-and-white photographs of each of the families, Gay Dads is a moving tribute to familial love. About the Authors: A full-time father, David Strah lives with his partner and two children in New York City. Susanna Margolis is a writer who lives in New York City.

Gay Fatherhood: Narratives of Family & Citizenship in America. Ellen Lewin. 2009. 248p. University Of Chicago Press. Men are often thought to have less interest in parenting than women, and gay men are generally assumed to prefer pleasure over responsibility. The toxic combination of these two stereotypical views has led to a lack of serious attention being paid to the experiences of gay fathers. But the truth is that more and more gay men are setting out to become parents and succeeding—and Gay Fatherhood aims to tell their stories. Ellen Lewin takes as her focus people who undertake the difficult process of becoming fathers as gay men, rather than having become fathers while married to women. These men face unique challenges in their quest for fatherhood, negotiating specific bureaucratic and financial conditions as they pursue adoption or surrogacy and juggling questions about their future child’s race, age, sex, and health. Gay Fatherhood chronicles the lives of these men, exploring how they cope with political attacks from both the “family values” right and the “radical queer” left—while also shedding light on the evolving meanings of family in twenty-first-century America. About the Author: Ellen Lewin is professor in the departments of Women’s Studies and Anthropology at the University of Iowa. She is the author of Recognizing Ourselves: Ceremonies of Lesbian and Gay Commitment and Lesbian Mothers: Accounts of Gender in American Culture.

Gay Men Choosing Parenthood. Gerald P Mallon. 2004. 153p. Columbia University Press. Gay parenting is a topic on which almost everyone has an opinion but almost nobody has any facts. Here at last is a book based on a thorough review of the literature, as well as interviews with a pioneering group of men who in the 1980s chose to become fathers outside the boundaries of a heterosexual union—through foster care, adoption, and other kinship relationships. This book reveals how very natural and possible gay parenthood can be. What factors influence this decision? How do the experiences of gay dads compare to those of heterosexual men? How effectively do professional services such as support groups serve gay fathers and prospective gay fathers? What elements of the social climate are helpful—and hurtful? Gay Men Choosing Parenthood challenges a great deal of misinformation, showing how gay fathers from different backgrounds adapted, perceived, and constructed their options and their families.

Getting Simon: Two Gay Doctors’ Journey to Fatherhood. Kenneth B Morgen. 1995. 232p. Bramble Co. This book reads as easily as a suspense novel, yet it provides a realistic glimpse into the difficult process of adoption and surrogacy for all prospective parents. It is true story of a long-time loving couple whose lives are rich and full except for having a family of their own. Getting Simon follows their trials and tribulations in trying to become fathers. They are determined to be parents in spite of dead-end leads, conflicting medical and legal advice, disappearing birth mothers, failed adoptions, unreliable surrogates, and, of course, prejudice. This book has been nominated for an American Library Association award.

Homo Domesticus: Notes from a Same-Sex Marriage. David Valdes Greenwood. 2007. 192p. Da Capo Press. What happens when you pair a romantic with a nonromantic? Where does the twain meet when you like to wow your lover with an original song and he thinks a bar of soap is a thoughtful gift? In his charming, often hilarious account of his decade-long relationship with his boyfriend (now husband), journalist David Valdes Greenwood sets the record straight on gay marriage, playfully disarming the arguments against it. Here are the highpoints (and some low points) that chart any good relationship: from the first blush of romance; to meeting the in-laws; to forgetting your pants at your own wedding; to figuring out in those first years that “life as a couple is all about discovering just how many things you can approach differently without actually killing each other”; and finally, of sharing that first great love, a child. Poignant and smart, these notes from a same-sex marriage will strike a chord with anyone who has ever known just how outrageous, challenging, and maddeningly wonderful the ties of love can be, no matter what configuration your family. About the Author: Journalist and playwright David Valdes Greenwood is a regular contributor to the Boston Globe Magazine. He teaches at Tufts University and lives in Massachusetts with his husband and baby daughter.

Issues in Gay & Lesbian Adoption: Proceedings of the 4th Pierce-Warwick Adoption. Ann Sullivan, ed.. 1995. 42p. CWLA. This book contains the proceedings of a national conference focused entirely on issues in gay and lesbian adoption. The challenge for the symposium participants was to dispel the many myths and fears about gay and lesbian adoption and to develop sound policy based on available research, current legislation, and practical knowledge.

Kid, The (What Happened After My Boyfriend & I Decided to Get Pregnant) An Adoption Story. Dan Savage. 1999. 240p. EP Dutton. Dan Savage—America’s most irreverent, taboo-busting, flat-out funny sex-advice columnist—shares his revelatory misadventures in adopting a baby. Welcome to Dan Savage’s world: He’s gay, dispenses sex advice to “breeders” (straight people), and, at age thirty-two, finds himself in a long-term relationship. He decides he wants a baby in the house, his boyfriend agrees, and so they set out to make a family. Unfortunately, this also makes him a target of oppressive rhetoric among certain conservative groups, and a sellout to his gay friends. But all he can think about are the joys of parenthood—if only the birth mother weren’t homeless and admitting to drinking and drugging during the pregnancy; if only people would stop asking “Why do you want a kid?”; and if only Dan could stop offending all the infertile straight couples at the adoption agency. The Kid is a no-holds-barred attack on conservative “values,” and also a celebration of family and the lengths some people—gay and straight—will go to in order to create one of their own. By the Same Author: The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage, & My Family (2005).

Lesbian & Gay Families: Redefining Parenting in America. Jill S Pollack. 1985. 142p. Franklin Watts. This book introduces the reader to seven lesbian and gay families. Their firsthand testimony becomes a vehicle for exploring the many roads to parenthood including adoption, alternative insemination, and previous heterosexual relationships. Pollack establishes that love, not heterosexuality, makes a family.

Lesbian & Gay Foster & Adoptive Parents: Recruiting, Assessing, & Supporting an Untapped Resource for Children & Youth. Gerald P Mallon. 2006. 144p. CWLA. Six to ten million children of lesbian, gay, and bisexual parents currently live in the United States, and one-third of lesbian households and one-fifth of gay male households have children. Despite this, some child welfare workers view gay and lesbian people as a last resort in family placement. Although a growing number of lesbians and gay men are applying to adopt and foster children, they remain an underused resource because of stereotypes, prejudices, and legislation that makes it difficult for gays and lesbians to foster or adopt. With a national shortfall of adoptive and foster placements, agencies need to encourage lesbian and gay applicants to come forward for children in need. Lesbian and Gay Foster and Adoptive Parents explores the myths and prejudices that influence attitudes toward lesbians and gay men as parents, examines how the development of legislation over the years has influenced perceptions of lesbians and gay men as parents, and explores ways for social workers to more effectively support lesbian and gay adopters and foster parents once they have been matched with a child or youth.

Lesbian & Gay Fostering & Adoption: Extraordinary Yet Ordinary. Stephen Hicks & Janet McDermott, eds. 1998. 208p. Jessica Kingsley Pub. It takes courage to decide to foster or adopt a child, knowing that your life will now be an open book. In addition, if you are a lesbian or gay man, you face the additional hurdles of prejudice and legal obstacles. Lesbian and gay Fostering and Adoption presents a collection of personal accounts given by singles and couples in Great Britain who have fostered or adopted children. The book also includes an editorial essay which examines the many issues involved when lesbians or gay men choose this method of building a family.

Lesbian & Gay Parenting Handbook, The: Creating & Raising Our Families. April Martin, Ph.D. 1993. 416p. Harper Perennial. Renowned psychotherapist and lesbian parent April Martin combines her expertise and professional perspectives with first-person stories from gay and lesbian parents to address the many questions and important issues associated with gay and lesbian parenting.

Lesbians & Child Custody: A Casebook, Vol 8. Dolores J Maggiore, ed. 1992. 280p. Garland.

Lesbians & Gay Men as Foster Parents. Wendell Ricketts. 1992. 166p. University of Southern Maine. Legal and social aspects and issues of gay adoptions.

LGBT Adoption: Adoption, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexuality, Transgender, LGBT, Best interests, In re: Gill, LGBT rights in Australia, LGBT parenting, Heterosexism, LGBT rights by country or territory. Frederic P Miller, Agnes F Vandome & John McBrewster, eds. 2009. 200p. Alphascrupt Publishing. LGBT adoption is the adoption of children by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people. Adoption by same-sex couples is currently legal in many countries throughout the world. Adoption of children by LGBT people is an issue of active debate; legislation to stop the practice has been introduced in the United States although such efforts have largely been defeated. There is agreement between the parties, however, that the welfare of children alone should dictate policy.

Martian Child, The: A Novel About a Single Father Adopting a Son. David Gerrold. 2002. 190p. Forge. Ten years ago, SF and Fantasy writer Gerrold, a single, gay man, saw a photo of a towheaded kid bursting with life and fell in love. It wasn’t what small minds might think, for Gerrold was looking for an adoptive son in California, which allows gays and singles to adopt. Gerrold eventually took Dennis, the child in the photo, home and began the work of earning the acceptance of a hyperactive, severely insecure eight-year-old who desperately wanted a father but thought of himself as a Martian and, therefore, probably unworthy. Gerrold’s memoir of the first two years Dennis was with him ends with the crisis of Dennis running away and waiting in a city park at night for the saucers to come and whisk him back to a world he might be able to manage. Although Dennis is the reason for the book, Gerrold keeps the focus on himself and his responses to Dennis, not to mention his insecurities over perhaps having bitten off more than he—maybe because he is gay—can chew. The heart-searing moments are many but never overwritten, thanks to Gerrold’s bright, efficient exposition. And yes, the crisis was overcome. Dennis, now 17, “shows dangerous signs of maturity and responsibility.” — Ray Olson; From Booklist. Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved.

My Three Sons: The Birth of a New Family: A True Story. John Sonego. 2009. 208p. iUniverse, Inc. John Sonego and his partner, Michael, had always wanted to start a family. Little did they know they would become the fathers of not one, not two, but three precious boys. My Three Sons shares the heartwarming true story of this incredible family. Born to a drug-addicted mother and taken from her after a string of arrests, the three biological brothers come to their new home to begin a new life. With John and Michael’s unconditional love and acceptance, the five became an instant family, learning to lean on each other for the support and devotion only a family can give. Poignant and funny, heartbreaking and inspiring, My Three Sons recounts one family’s life and reaffirms the transformative power of love in children’s lives. About the Author: John Sonego is an author, adjunct professor, and consultant serving internationally respected health, education, and advocacy organizations. He writes about social, spiritual and family issues as a Midwesterner, progressive Christian, national gay advocate, adoptive parent, and active citizen of the broader community. Sonego received a B.A. from the University of Michigan and an M.A. from the University of Santa Monica. He and his family live in Hollywood, CA.

New Families, New Finances: Money Skills for Today’s Nontraditional Families. Emily W Card & Christie Watts Kelly. 1998. John Wiley & Sons. An intensive look at the key financial issues that affect the three-quarters of American families that are “nontraditional.” The majority of today’s households are headed up by single parents, step-parents, grandparents, same-sex parents, adoptive parents, divorced parents. This book—with its unique user-friendly design—addresses the major financial and legal concerns that nontraditional families have in common and provides explicit strategies for coping with these issues.

Pink Guide to Adoption for Lesbians and Gay Men, The. Nicola Hill. 2009. 200p. British Association for Adoption & Fostering (UK). How easy is it for lesbian and gay couples to adopt? Is the process any different from heterosexual adoption? Is it true that only hard-to-place children get placed with lesbians and gay men? This book answers these questions and more and talks to gay men and lesbians about what it is really like to adopt a child. The Pink Guide to Adoption is the very first guide in the United Kingdom for lesbians and gay men considering adoption. The first part of the book outlines the process and explains what prospective adopters should expect and the stages they will have to go through. Illustrated with quotations from gay men and lesbians, it highlights key issues for those embarking on the adoption journey. The second part features 14 case studies of lesbians and gay men, both couples and single adopters, at various stages in the adoption process. Informative and inspiring, these stories bring to life the reality of what adoption means. They describe the highs and lows, the difficulties faced and the rewards enjoyed. A must for any lesbian or gay man wishing to adopt, The Pink Guide also provides invaluable insights for social workers into the loving families lesbian and gay adopters can offer.

Queer Families, Common Agendas: Gay People, Lesbians, & Family Values. Richard T Sullivan, ed. 2000. Harrington Park Press. Vital information on family services, custody, and access rights for gay parents! Queer Families, Common Agendas: Gay People, Lesbians, & Family Values examines the real-life experience of those affected by current laws and policies regarding homosexual families. The book will help policy-makers, lawyers, social workers, and the general public better understand these families. Here you will be able to compare the progress of policy in the U.S. and Canada for gay and lesbian parents and their children and explore relevant legal approaches in the two countries. In Queer Families, Common Agendas: Gay People, Lesbians, & Family Values, a range of strategies for advancing the rights of sexual minority parents are considered for legal feasibility and political viability. You will gain insight into the contradictions in policies and practices that ultimately disadvantage children based on their family origins, and you will discover alternative approaches for improved services to homosexual families. Queer Families, Common Agendas explores: family law and protection of women-headed households; legal definitions of motherhood and fatherhood in the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom; family and adoption idealogies concerning gay families and their rights to adopt; new ways to make social services responsive to minority families the lesbian and gay “agenda” the value of family and the family of values-as opposed to the worn-out phrase “family values”. Queer Families, Common Agendas serves as a primer to assist you in understanding the legal struggles that lesbian and gay families are facing today. You will explore concerns about family law, protection of women-headed households, motherhood, fatherhood, adoption and family ideology, and how to make social services responsive to gay and lesbian families. This excellent reference provides you with the necessary background and techniques to create services that are responsive and effective with sexual minority families.

Reinventing the Family: The Emerging Story of Gay & Lesbian Parents. Laura Benkov, PhD. 1994. 289p. Crown Publishers, Inc. A stirring but ponderous study of legal and psychological issues facing homosexual parents, by an uncloseted psychologist and teacher (Psychology/Harvard Medical School). Benkov’s struggle with her own “unwavering passion” for motherhood led her to conduct “discussions” (under unspecified conditions) with gays and lesbians who achieved parenthood by various methods: artificial insemination, surrogacy, fostering, joint-parenting arrangements, adoption.

River of Promise: Two Women’s Story of Love & Adoption. Judith Dahl. 1989. 77p. Lura Media. Documents the struggle of lesbian life-partners Judy and Terry to adopt a child and how they eventually succeeded. The book offers creative and practical advice on adoption for non-traditional families.

Same Sex Intimacies: Families of Choice & Other Life Experiments. Jeffrey Weeks, Brian Heaphy & Catherine Donovan. 2001. 256p. Routledge (UK). Our families are increasingly a matter of choice, and the choices are widening all the time. This is particularly true of the non-heterosexual world, where the last ten years have seen a popular acceptance of same-sex partnerships and, to a lesser extent, of same-sex parenting. Based on extensive interviews with people in a variety of non-traditional relationships, this fascinating new book argues that these developments in the non-heterosexual world are closely linked to wider changes in the meaning of family in society at large and that each can cast light on the other. Same Sex Intimacies offers vivid accounts of the different ways non-heterosexual people have been able to create meaningful intimate relationships for themselves and highlights the role of individual agency and collective endeavour in forging these roles: as friends, partners, parents, and as members of communities. About the Authors: Jeffrey Weeks teaches at Southbank University in the UK and is the author of Sexuality (1986). Brian Heaphy is Senior Lecturer in Sociology at Nottingham Trent University. Catherine Donovan is Principal Lecturer in Sociology and Social Policy at Sunderland University.

Same-Sex Marriage: The Legal & Psychological Evolution in America. Donald Cantor, Elizabeth Cantor, James C Black, & Campbell D Barrett. 2006. 212p. Wesleyan University Press. Few recent topics have claimed as much media and political attention as the fight for the right of same-sex couples to marry legally. Striking at the heart of beliefs about sexuality, marriage, family, and child-rearing, the debate has touched off national and international debate. In this practical guide to the issues and their history, the authors present the issues as a courtroom case would be presented to the jury—with an opening statement, expert testimony, and a closing argument in support of same-sex marriage. Chapters explore how we have arrived at our current understandings of homosexuality and marriage, the impact of same-sex marriage on same-sex relationships and families, the practical civil benefits denied to persons who are not allowed to marry, and the 40-year evolution in the law as it relates to sex and reproduction. This book provides a reasoned and informed history of the subject, and is ideal for readers in government, social work, and the law—and anyone curious about where this contentious issue is headed. See particularly, Chapter 6: Homosexuality and Adoption, by Campbell D. Barrett. About the Editors: Donald J. Cantor, and Campbell D. Barrett are lawyers with practices in Hartford, CT; Elizabeth Cantor is a licensed clinical psychologist in Woonsocket, RI; James C. Black is Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Connecticut. Donald Cantor and James Black, co-authored Child Custody (1989).

Swim Against the Tide, A. David RI McKinstry. 2003. 250p. White Knight Publications (Canada). This touching and thought-provoking book examines the 19 years of frustrations encountered by David McKinstry, a gay man, trying to adopt and provide a loving home for orphaned children. McKinstry, adopted himself, shares the story of growing up in small town Ontario, fathering a son when he was a teenager, attempting to be the fastest man to swim across Lake Ontario, meeting his birth parents, and his burning desire to form a family unit with Nick, his HIV+ ex-Jesuit spouse. Intense, intriguing subplots abound in every chapter and make this book a fascinating read! Tragically before the dream to adopt was realised, Nick dies of AIDS and leaves the family portrait incomplete. David rallies while grieving the loss of his partner and the death of an hours-old infant daughter and continues his journey toward parenthood. David takes a Canadian bank to court over their refusal to honour his deceased spouse’s mortgage insurance and comes out publicly on CTV’s Canada AM.

2nd Revised Edition

Too High a Price: The Case Against Restricting Gay Parenting. Eric Ferrero, Joshua Freker & Travis Foster. 2002. (2006. 104p. 2nd Edition). ACLU. Social scientists have been researching the children of lesbian and gay parents for more than 20 years. This rich body of research, summarized in the book, proves that parents’ sexual orientation and gender don’t matter to children’s development; what matters is having committed, nurturing parents. Armed with government data as well as examples from state agency websites that include heartrending profiles of waiting children, the book explains that child welfare workers across the country are desperate to place the many children in need of homes. Child welfare policy requires that all potential adoptive parents be thoroughly screened. Laws that exclude gay people from consideration as adoptive or foster parents unnecessarily reduce the already insufficient pool of available homes. The book, which includes a foreword by Shay Bilchik, President and C.E.O. of the Child Welfare League of America, explains that as a result of the child welfare crisis our country is facing and overwhelming social science research demonstrating the positive outcomes of children raised by gay parents, every major child health and welfare organization has issued public statements opposing laws that restrict the ability of gay people to parent. In addition to the Child Welfare League of America, these organizations include the American Medical Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association and the North American Council on Adoptable Children. The updated second edition also includes a chapter devoted to debunking the misinformation being spread by opponents of parenting by gay people. Those interested in the current law on gay parenting will also find an overview of states with laws that restrict the rights of gay people to parent (Florida is still the only state with a law that bans all gay people from adopting), and states that have fair parenting laws for gay people, as well as how states treat gay people in determinations about custody and visitation rights.

21st Century Gay. John Williams Malone. 2000. 320p. M. Evans and Company, Inc. John Malone’s excellent state-of-the-union address on the status of gay rights—such as domestic partners benefits, civil unions, and gays in the military—is a readable and well-researched addition to gay studies and a fine primer on social change. While neither unreasonably pessimist nor giddily congratulatory, Malone describes the strides made in gay civil rights in the past 40 years and predicts which issues are more likely to go forward—the acceptance of same-sex adoption, say—and which, like gay marriage or military service, will remain sticky in the opening decades of the new century. He is alert to the differences between local, state, and federal policymaking, and sensitive to how slowly the “basic world view” of Americans can change, even when laws or company policies have been updated. With attention to the diverse approaches of gay and lesbian activists (provocateurs like Larry Kramer versus cautious incrementalists like Barney Frank), Malone describes the tensions within the gay community, as well as the continuing battles it faces from the religious right and the Republican mainstream. 21st Century Gay is vital reading for anyone weary of the closet or the margins. — Regina Marler

Velveteen Father, The: An Unexpected Journey to Parenthood. Jesse Green. 1999. 224p. Villard Books. Journalist Jesse Green’s delightful memoir makes it quite clear that the pleasures and perils of parenting are always the same—even for a 37-year-old gay man who stumbles into it by falling in love with a man who has an adopted son. As Green puts it in a typically well-turned phrase, “fatherhood trumps gayness,” which is to say that heterosexual parents at the playground sometimes find it easier to relate to Green, his partner, Andy, and son, Erez (soon joined by baby brother Lucas), than do the well-buffed, perennially youthful male guests at a Fire Island party—they flinch at the sight of diapers and baby bags. As the author searchingly and intelligently considers what it means to gay people to become parents, and the ways in which it does and does not pull them closer into the mainstream, his narrative is often extremely funny. (Joking about Erez’s apparently heterosexual inclinations, Green deadpans, “We tried our best: We played him Judy Garland records and showed him tapes of West Side Story.”) A very moving examination of identity and the making of a meaningful adult life that resonates profoundly for people of every sexual orientation. — Wendy Smith

Waiting for the Call: From Preacher’s Daughter to Lesbian Mom. Jacqueline Taylor. 2007. 220p. University of Michigan Press. Waiting for the Call takes readers from the foothills of the Appalachians—where Jacqueline Taylor was brought up in a strict evangelical household—to contemporary Chicago, where she and her lesbian partner are raising a family. In a voice by turns comic and loving, Taylor recounts the amazing journey that took her in profoundly different directions from those she or her parents could have ever envisioned. Taylor’s father was a Southern Baptist preacher, and she struggled to deal with his strictures as well as her mother’s manic-depressive episodes. After leaving for college, Taylor finds herself questioning her faith and identity, questions that continue to mount when—after two divorces, a doctoral degree, and her first kiss with a woman—she discovers her own lesbianism and begins a most untraditional family that grows to include two adopted children from Peru. Even as she celebrates and cherishes this new family, Taylor insists on the possibility of maintaining a loving connection to her religious roots. While she and her partner search for the best way to explain adoption to their children and answer the inevitable question, “Which one is your mom?” they also seek out a church that will unite their love of family and their faith. Told in the great storytelling tradition of the American South, full of deep feeling and wry humor, Waiting for the Call engagingly demonstrates how one woman bridged the gulf between faith and sexual identity without abandoning her principles.

When You Lie About Your Age, the Terrorists Win: Reflections on Looking in the Mirror. Carol Leifer. 2009. 208p. Villard. Stand-up comic and comedy writer Carol Leifer faced a critical dilemma and had only two options: either continue sharing her greatest childhood memory (seeing the Beatles at Shea Stadium in 1966) or lie about her age. But the choice soon became clear: “I see now that when you deny your age, you deny yourself, and when you lie about your age, you become your inauthentic twin. But most important, when you lie about your age, they win. (And of course by ‘they,’ I mean the terrorists).” Now, in this uproarious book, Leifer reveals all—her age, her outlook, her life philosophy—no holds barred.

•   On technology: “I am overwhelmed by anything that involves a cord.”
•   On motherhood: “Never put your baby’s length on a birth announcement. It’s a baby, not a marlin.”
•   On collagen injections: “Your lips are not meant to be flotation devices for your face in case it capsizes.”
•   On tattoos: “If you plan on having your lover’s name tattooed on your arm, always leave room before it for a possible ‘I Hate’ down the road.”
•   On etiquette: “Never refer to a woman as ‘ma’am,’ even if she’s ninety years old. Nobody likes it.”

After years of stand-up and a wave of successful television shows, Carol Leifer finally (and hilariously) puts it all down on paper—the wise thoughts, witty stories, and wonderfully way-out observations guaranteed to have you nodding in agreement and laughing out loud in sheer delight. About the Author: Carol Leifer is an accomplished stand-up comedian and an Emmy-nominated writer and producer for her work on such television shows as Seinfeld, The Larry Sanders Show, Saturday Night Live, and the Academy Awards. She has starred in several of her own comedy specials, which have aired on HBO, Showtime, and Comedy Central. Her “big break” came when David Letterman unexpectedly showed up one night at the Comic Strip in New York City and caught Carol’s show. His visit led to her making twenty-five guest appearances on Late Night with David Letterman. Carol has also been seen on The Tonight Show, Real Time with Bill Maher, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, and The Oprah Winfrey Show. She starred in and created the WB sitcom Alright Already. She lives in Santa Monica with her partner, their adopted son, and their seven rescue dogs.